Mara Brock Akil & Michelle Obama on Black Kids & Crushes

Remember that fluttery feeling of your first crush? The endless strategizing, the daydreaming, the sheer thrill of someone noticing you romantically? Whether the feelings were mutual or not, experiencing a crush is a significant part of growing up. But what happens when this common rite of passage is less accessible for some children, particularly Black youth navigating predominantly white environments? That’s a conversation Mara Brock Akil, the creative force behind shows like “Forever” and “Love is,” is passionate about, and she recently shared her insights with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson on the “IMO” Podcast.

The Importance of Being ‘Crushed On’

Akil, a mother to two sons, Yasin Ali Akil (21) and Nasir Lukmon Akil (16), believes that young Black individuals deserve to experience the validation of having a crush and being mutually desired. She noted a common observation among other mothers: “Oh, they’re on their third girlfriend.” Akil expressed a desire for her own sons to have had similar experiences, reflecting on how many young Black people enter college without ever having had a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Michelle Obama echoed this sentiment, pointing out that this lack of early romantic experience is prevalent in white-dominated spaces. Akil argues that this isn’t healthy. “Not to [feel] like someone even likes you, even if it’s for a week,” she stated. “There’s no memory of a mutual desire and how to negotiate those feelings, those conversations, those opportunities to come to mom or dad for advice or aunt and uncle or village.” She believes there needs to be a space for young people to practice navigating these early social and emotional interactions.

Navigating Societal Perceptions and Racial Dynamics

Akil referenced Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu’s work, highlighting the societal shift where Black boys are often perceived as cute and desirable in early grades (kindergarten to fourth grade) but can later be seen as threatening as they grow. This societal perception, whether conscious or unconscious, can impact how Black children are viewed romantically. Akil acknowledges the guilt parents might feel raising Black children in predominantly white schools, aware of these underlying racial dynamics.

She shared how trips to Oak Bluffs in Martha’s Vineyard became pivotal for her family, offering her sons a chance to see themselves reflected in their community and be surrounded by people who look like them. This sense of belonging is vital, especially when discussing sensitive topics like crushes and burgeoning romantic feelings.

Fostering Healthy Emotional Development Through Media

Akil hopes her show “Forever” sparks important conversations within families, not just about sexual health but also emotional well-being. She believes that while these discussions can be uncomfortable, they are essential for protecting children in the long run. “Yes, you should go through this rite of passage, but how do you get through it in a healthy way?” she posed. Akil emphasizes the value of these experiences happening under a parent’s watchful eye, allowing them to guide their children through the ups and downs.

Ultimately, Akil advocates for nurturing crushes and early romantic feelings, rather than fearing them. She sees them as a vital part of learning to feel, to be seen, and to navigate the complexities of love and relationships. By creating an environment where these growing stages can be discussed and understood, parents can help their children develop healthy emotional intelligence.