Fat Women Don’t Need Permission to Refuse Coffee Dates

Last week, TikTok buzzed when influencer Ashlei McPherson shared her decision to decline a coffee date with a potential suitor. Instead of accepting a date she wasn’t keen on, she treated herself to a delicious meal. Her simple act of self-care sparked a conversation about body confidence and the societal tendency to police the choices of plus-size women.

Setting Standards, Not Seeking Permission

McPherson posted a video detailing her experience: “A man asked me for coffee today after work and I politely told him no, then brought myself to McAllisters where I got this croissant, this grilled chicken sandwich, and an entire bowl of broccoli, cheddar soup, and a Dr Pepper for under $25.” She emphasized mutual respect for dating choices, stating, “I respect your choice to coffee, respect mine to not coffee.”

Unfortunately, her comment section became a breeding ground for fat-shaming, highlighting a societal belief that plus-size women lack the confidence to set their own standards. This reaction underscores a frustrating double standard: while many women express distaste for coffee dates online, a fat woman doing the same is met with criticism.

Celebrating Self-Love and Authenticity

McPherson’s response was powerful – she stood firm in her decision without needing to justify her humanity or dissolve into tears. It’s inspiring to see more representations of Black plus-size women embracing self-love, especially in a society that often devalues them. The narrative that smaller women are inherently more desirable is simply untrue; genuine connection and mutual respect are what truly matter.

Ultimately, if someone is interested in you, they will meet the standards you set. Standing firm on your preferences and refusing to settle often leads to a more fulfilling outcome. Whether you prefer a casual coffee or a more elaborate outing, your choices are yours to make, and they don’t require anyone else’s approval.