It’s a tough lesson many learn the hard way: you can’t save someone else if you’re not saving yourself first. Tashera Simmons, the ex-wife of the late rapper DMX, is sharing her profound insights from a 15-year marriage that was deeply impacted by addiction, infidelity, and unresolved childhood trauma on both sides. She recently sat down with Angie Martinez on the “IRL” podcast to discuss her journey, which is also the focus of her new documentary, “X vs. Earl: The Simmons Family Speaks.”
A Love Story Marred by Pain
Simmons described the love between her and DMX, whose real name was Earl Simmons, as “pure” and “unique.” However, their relationship was also shadowed by the darker realities of his struggles with drug use and infidelity. Crucially, neither of them had healed from the childhood traumas that shaped their lives, adding another layer of complexity to their marriage.
She believes Earl passed away with a heavy heart, feeling misunderstood. “I feel like Earl died very unhappy with a broken heart. Misunderstood,” Simmons shared, reflecting on the pain that lingered for both of them throughout their marriage, which lasted from 1999 to 2014.
Filling the Void: Earl Became Everything
Simmons revealed that she and Earl met as teenagers, both coming from difficult backgrounds where they felt abandoned. Her mother left her at 14, and her father was verbally abusive. Because of this, Earl became her entire world, filling multiple roles: “husband, boyfriend, best friend, God. Protector.”
This intense, all-encompassing connection, which she described as a “project to get away from Tashera,” is what kept her in the marriage for so long. Even when faced with significant betrayals, her instinct was to try and fix things. “I wanted to save Earl,” she admitted. “I saw the road that Earl was going down.”
The Hard Truth: You Can’t Save Someone Else
Looking back, Simmons recognizes how unhealthy the situation became, especially with Earl stepping outside the marriage and creating other families. She credits a higher power for ultimately removing her from the relationship, stating, “Had God not stripped me from that relationship, that marriage, I’d have probably been in a Looney Tune home.” Now, she’s unafraid to speak her truth, emphasizing the importance of not bottling up emotions or pretending everything is fine.
When asked for advice for young women in similar situations, Simmons’ message is clear and direct: walk away. “You cannot fix nobody,” she stated firmly. “There is nothing that you can do for someone who has been broken, who’s bitter, who doesn’t have the right perspective for their self, there’s no saving. There’s no saving them.”
Tashera Simmons’ story is a powerful reminder about self-preservation and the complexities of love and trauma. What are your thoughts on her journey and advice? Share your perspective in the comments below!